Look closely and you realise the carbon fibre strips are actually stickers

If there’s one thing you can’t accuse the wide-eyed car customisers and modifiers of this world, it’s having a lack of imagination. Take the mad Mazda 6 that was exhibited at last month’s Barbican Turbo custom car show in Abu Dhabi. Or rather it used to be a Mazda 6, until its owner painted it orange and made it look like something resembling a space ship. The front doors open in the same way a Lamborghini Murcielago’s do, the rear doors in a gullwing fashion (who needs a Mercedes SLS?) and the bonnet and boot are hinged on one side. Standing still it can steal any show. But when it comes to driving like an SLS, it’s not doubt that the heavy hydraulic systems will be weighing it down.

There were other, similar examples of pretentiousness . Like the TechArt Cayenne Turbo, with its carbon-on-white bodywork. Usually, the German tuner has no problems squeezing 600bhp from the Porsche V8, but this isn’t one of those ludicrous power upgrades. Look closely and you realise that the ad hoc carbon fibre strips are actually stickers. I suppose if you can’t actually make your car fast, you can at least try to make it look like it is...

Thankfully, not all the collective tuner minds were of the same ilk. There were some tasteful Toyota Supras that came complete with wings, diffusers and tasty looking engines. They almost looked like racecars. Almost. Predictably there was a strong showing of all kinds of Chevrolet Luminas, Nissan 350Zs and the usual host of the Fast and the Furious favourite, the Mitsubishi Evo.

The more old school automotive variety was also on show. Like some beautifully restored-but-unspoilt Mustangs, a Chevrolet Camaro, a Datsun 280ZX, and a BMW 2002 that looked like Munich itself had only just built it. Where did these all come from? From the same place all other great, hidden automotive gems are to be found – the depths of Sharjah, of course.

Total numpty of the show? Well, there were two contenders for this prize. The Kia Optima came close with its quilted leather interior and alloy wheels, but ultimately the title has to go to whoever thought passing off a 90s Corvette as a Ferrari was a good idea. The headlights were changed, the rear bodywork came from a 360 Modena and the badge on the front was a faux prancing horse…