Some sub-human being has found a new application for the common key. In his sad excuse of a mind, he thought that it would be funny, righteous and artistic to leave an indelible impromptu of his art in my cherished car. And he did it carefully, making sure that he penetrated all of the five layers of paint so that no polishing would correct it.

Jealousy: it’s a vexxing issue.

If you’ve seen Pulp Fiction and remember how Travolta felt about his Malibu, you can imagine the kind of rage that I experienced.

Well, what’s done is done. I hope that this missing-link-in-evolution of a person had a good time and, at the very least, has now a new tale of his cowardice to tell his grandchildren.

In case anyone feels inclined to bring any information forward about this incident, or has some idea of the perpetrator, please call 800 KEY IDIOT.