Welcome to Peugeot ownership, was the reply I got once I posted the latest complaint about my red 1.9 205 GTI, on the 205 owners club forum this month. As I uploaded my response, I could just imagine the gaggle of online members guffawing away when I mentioned the clicking relay switches, dead ignition and a muted starter motor. Surely they wouldn't be laughing if they realised I had discovered this inconsistent alignment in unbearable conditions, in the early hours of the morning and, on my way to a photoshoot

I know French cars have a knack for causing headaches, hernias and heartache, but for it to happen so soon made me stop and forcibly listen to a few 'I told you so's'.

One day it will start, another day it will make funny relay clicking noises (that echoes loudly around the car park) and then eventually start - after say six attempts - then other days there is nothing whatsoever; no sound, no motion, no hint of starting.

It is so frustrating, because no one seems to have a clue what could be wrong with it. I have approached the problem with careful preparation, research - even a hammer. And still the Peugeot won't go. I have also wasted two Norwegian oaks and a surplus of black ink on printing a phone directory of 205 diagnoses out. But in the end I did what any budding home mechanic does and surrendered to a can of WD-40, a short-sleeve shirt and a look of sheer determination. But even this age-old remedy did little to get the electrical flow through to the ignition and thus the starter motor.  I now wander down stairs every morning clutching my keys to the temperamental GTI not knowing if it will start or not.

What I have noticed though, is that if it catches one day it'll normally run faultlessly all day. But when you turn the ignition the following day, there is nothing but silence. But (and I do mean but) sometimes (and I do mean sometimes) it will fire the following day. Very odd, and suspiciously enough seemingly working on an odd 24 hour cycle. The stupid bit of it all is that I am still devotedly committed to my faulty French friend. I love it, and love looking at it - even when it refuses to budge a millimetre. Love's a funny thing, I can tell you that much.