I lent the Cayman to a couple of friends...the verdict is that I have a pretty good car

I’ve been feeling particularly generous this month and, after thoughtful consideration, have lent My Beloved Cayman S to a couple of friends for a few weekends. I know it’s not advisable, not a sound decision, the thing you should never do and all that, but that’s what I did.

Inevitably, my radio stations were changed (twice) and all my personal settings were gone: the memory of my trips, average speed over time and fuel consumption - all have been conveniently erased and my coveted driving position disappeared in favour of some body type that belong to a Picasso painting.

Mind you, the verdict is that I have a pretty good car. Who knew? It’s very fast, responsive, easy to drive and that it almost never gives you a scare. ‘Almost?’ I thought.

What I would like to get now is advice. I have been taking my car to the fuel station next to my house for washing and cleaning for almost a year now. And despite my best efforts at basic communication, I have hit a barrier I am unable to pass. These guys do not seem to be able to really clean the interior of my vehicle.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, my steering wheel is steadily turning black, as is the driving seat. More often than not I drive alone and have realised that the passenger seat looks pretty much the same way it did the day I collected the car from the showroom. Some may say it has something to do with my personal hygiene, but I think it’s normal wear.

Now, the pickle is that as much as I’ve tried to tell these guys to clean the interior thoroughly, they keep insisting on cleaning the engine instead. What can I do? Is there not someone that can restore the leather to a more apparent condition before it is too late?

Anyhow, this month has witnessed the local launch of the new 911 Turbo, an event to which I got invited pretty much thanks to writing these reports. While there I had the opportunity to talk to a few guys from the Porsche factory. I think you can guess the subject. Yep, the PDK. Surpringly, they all agree that it’s not an ideal system. That the daily traffic conditions make it slightly unresponsive, etc. When I told them that my next car would probably be a Porsche, probably a Cayman, and an S version at that, but manual, they kind of hinted that we might have to do without without the manual gearbox in standard Porsches and that it may be reserved for the more ‘sporty’ ones like the GT3 or Turbo. What a sad thing if it turns out to be true. No need for me to elaborate on why it would be sad, because you all know.

Another question I asked was when they thought the factory would give the Cayman the power it deserves. The Carrera S gets 101bhp per litre and the Cayman S gets 94bhp. The same tune up should give me 345bhp with not as much as a yawn in the software of the on-board computer. The answer was clear. Never.

‘Why?’ my naïve self asked.

‘Because then nobody would buy the 911,’ the Porsche man said.

‘Why?’ I asked again.

‘Well, when the Cayman was finished but yet to be launched, they found that it was lapping one to two seconds faster than the 911, so they de-tuned it so as not to be as fast as the Carrera.’

Once again, I feel rejoiced at my choice of car although I feel vexed at the stubbornness of either this company or this nation that even when they make a mistake and correct it, they refuse to give in to themselves. Complex sentence, I know, but true nonetheless.

Oh, and one last thing. As much as I have publicised my contempt of the Cayenne, and how the Panamera was going to find a similar place in my ‘hated’ department, I regretfully admit my mistake. Not about the former, but about the latter. I love the Panamera.