With a hand-made, three-digit-engraved plaque just above the rear-view mirror, there’s no mistaking that you’re inside something special. From a distance it does have a strong resemblance to a 7-Series, but as you get closer, the art-deco lines, the massive exhausts and the gargantuan front grille give you a slightly different picture. With over 500bhp, this two-ton animal is a perennial wolf in sheep’s attire.

It’s not easy to improve on the BMW flagship. Classy, comfortable, luxurious, packed with technology and safety features and in tune with the rarest of atmospheres, it would seem pointless to try to make it faster. Make it sporty and it would just lose its spirit and function.

Many tuned cars tend to lose some luxury, but surprisingly, despite its disco-themed, red-on-black interior, the Seven hasn’t lost an iota. It’s only gained performance. And done so by some margin. The B7 reaches 100kph in a claimed 4.7sec. I tested it myself and that really is the time it takes. Quite a feat when you’re in a 2040kg ingot.

We could go on and on about the performance of the twin turbo, the massive 516lb ft of torque from 3000rpm or the great driving position but the most impressive thing is the handling. One would expect that a limousine like this would be either numb in comfort mode, or exhaustingly bumpy in sports mode. But it isn’t. The handling is absolutely neutral in all settings, and is never uncomfortable. All the while it gives you clear responses to your inputs and telegraphs its intentions at all times, making it an impressive driver’s car.

Braking is a whole new world. Huge 374mm discs in the front and 370mm rear, on 245/35 and 285/30 boots give it astonishing braking capacity. I timed 2.8sec from 100kph to 0 with no wobbling, no correction and no drama.

Not too great though are the shifter’s buttons. Being so small and hidden tells you Alpina isn’t really keen on you controlling the car manually. Same goes with the steering, though quick and precise, is too soft for the kind of speeds you can achieve. The looks aren’t much to die for, either. Especially with the front spoiler, which keeps touching the ground if you hit a speed-bump at more than 15kph.

Special mention goes to the Efficient Dynamics. I have rarely seen so thirsty a machine as this one, with a tank of petrol lasting a bit over 300km when driven just briskly. It seems that the system saves you about a litre per tank but, with consumption reaching 28L/100km I just can’t imagine it being too effective so far.

But these are the few rants you can find after really trying to look for them. But at $ 210,000, it’s a whole $ 100K over the factory version for an improved experience of the same car. There’s the all important factor of exclusivity with the B7 - something that’s really worth mauling over, since the 760, with a more powerful V12, circles the $ 150K mark.