Our main aim was to set a representative time up the 11.7 kilometre climb

As they say, you wait forever for a bus then three come at once. This is true of the recent hot hatch explosion, here in the Middle East. From the gentle launches of the Mini Cooper S and the Golf GTI, to the fantastic news that Renault would be bringing their flagship hatches to this market in 2008.

Unveiled at the Dubai Motorshow last year both the Megane R26 and the Clio R27 caused quite a stir among customers and the motoring press; not only for creating even more choice hot hatch wise, but here we had a manufacturer launching two at the same time into a market still warming to the idea of hot compacts. Whatever Renault's reasoning we were more than happy to wait patiently until we could get our hands on both, to see if anyone of them made sense in this market. And what better way than to benchmark the latest flaming hatch backs than against the much loved, the well-proven and the cost effective: Mini Cooper S, Volkswagen's Golf GTI, and the 207 RC from Peugeot.

We have previously tested the top three extensively - both the first and second generation Minis against one another, the latest Mini against its engine-sharing companion the 207 RC and the Golf GTI vs its sibling Eos. But now there are the two new kids on the block - the very focussed hot hatches that show promise of tearing the Middle East hot hatch market wide open. So for the first time we bring our local favourites back to evo HQ for the one and only standoff, to see if the golden oldies still have what it takes against the two French upstarts.

By 9am the day before our group test a flood of calls jammed the evo switchboards. It was a Sunday morning and already the lines were lighting up - thankfully all relating to the hot hatch showdown we've been planning since the Dubai Motorshow. Not that we don't have a ball 24/7 at evo but for one reason or another the excitement for the following Monday was too much for some to handle, enthusiasm and excitement literally brimming up over our keyboards.

Possibly the same group test in Europe wouldn't raise as much interest, but for most of  us anything remotely resembling a corner in the Middle East causes incredible excitement. There is very little in the way of roundabouts too, and I don't mean the mind numbing ones dominated by massive trucks mind you. So instead of tooling around Dubai we embark on a voyage to Al Ain, where there are plenty of roundabouts and one of the region's most exhilarating roads by far - the Jebel Hafeet mountain road.

This is the perfect setting for the hatches we have to trial. Many have taken a supercar to this infamous road, but amazingly this tarmac stage has seen little in the way of fully exploited hot hatches, being spanked up the testing stretch of mountain pass. We'd gathered together a batch of the finest quality, currently available in the region, two of which are brand new to the Middle East, and soon to be driven in anger.

The excitement of motoring nirvana was clearly getting the better of us, and no sooner are we on the road, we are seemingly stopping again for a bathroom break - swapping hatch backs as we do. The drive there (even the breaks) added up to an all-out adventure in itself, and not as painful as we first thought. We had trekked there in the past in an array of sports cars, but the same trip in a bone-shaking performance hatch had painted a picture of pain but even starting the first leg of the journey strapped into the Clio - the lowest geared of them all - it was a blast. Before long we had all settled into our respective seats for the journey to Al Ain, one driver per hot hatch, some of which we'd lived with for weeks, others days, the rest mere hours. We'd explored daily back streets in these crazy cars, busy highways, short trips to the shops, and now this; the long and potentially dull drive from Dubai on the most monotonous of roads for the ultimate test of tests - the time trial hill climb to the top of Jebel Hafeet. This was no ordinary visit either, as one of our main aims was to set a representative time up the 11.7 kilometre climb of hairpin after hairpin.

As I bobbed along tailing behind the others quite content, I decide to put my money on the 197bhp R27 being at the sharp end of the pack, for no other reasons than to support the underdog and this model being the pinnacle of the Clio evolution, in its current guise. We are very lucky to have the car here. In fact I applaud the person responsible for daring to bring the limited run of 30 into the country - mainly because the car makes no sense here, a fish out of water, with no serious turns or swooping corners to stretch the limits of this startling chassis. Dashing along the highway you feel capable of keeping up with the daily pace that people maintain in this part of the world, but give the little Renault a decent string of twists and it would hang off the back bumper of most exotica, embarrassingly well.

It literally dances with you, stops on a dime, carries speed through corners with deft ability - and is clinically composed. I'm secretly wishing this were a two-horse race between the Clio and the Mini (for example) so I would only have to spend one half of the day without being embraced by the amazing Recaro seat. But there are five horses in this race and I have to ride every last pony.

Shoehorning myself out of the Clio seat at the first of the pit stops, at the side of the road, I find myself wandering towards the empty seat of the 227bhp Megane But the seat swapping wasn't as speedy or as straightforward as we had initially planned, with everyone wanting to critique at the first available opportunity. This made for a rather long day, but was a fun debate. After all I was having a mini discussion of my own - that being, which really was the best, Clio or Megane?

I'd say, unlike the Clio you'll need time to master the Megane, and even when you feel you have done just that you'll be left dangling, not entirely sure if your skills are up the job the following day. Once you've got your head around the Clio you can honestly spend each and every day flat out on the limit and still it will perform the very same, day in day out - technically brilliant - or so it seems. Maybe this would eventually be a bore, exhausting even, but only a long-term test could conclude that.

It may be rapid once put next to the Clio, very quick indeed, but the steering feel and response is what's lacking. There is a limited slip differential at play though, which has dulled down the experience of the Megane a little, taking away the torque steer and some steering information. As an opposite, the Clio lets you in on all the fun - a bit like bath time with Emmanuelle Beart - whereas the Megane gives you the impression that the same procedures would be observed by her chaperone, sat in the corner on a footstool, armed with a sawn-off.

It is slightly naughty to be comparing these two Renaults, which means we are possibly in for a spanking when the French manufacturers discover they've gone head-to-head. I suppose it's a bit like comparing a Polo or Lupo GTI with a Golf - it's just not cricket, but in real world terms what does a few fractions of a second do to the fun factor?

It is logical to make a beeline for the 197bhp Golf after my time spent in the Megane, when we stop again - this time at a car wash. By now there was a general consensus allowing the line-up of hatches to fall into a comfortable hierarchy. We had yet to delve into the performance stats but judged by size and price the Golf and Megane were butting heads at every available turn. 'Is the passenger seat in another Emirate?' joked Alejandro talking of the Golf. 'It feels like an MPV not a hot hatch.' And everyone agreed, the VW was huge in comparison to the rest of the cars, even the Mini. The Megane is a big car too, but it doesn't necessarily feel bulky behind the wheel, unlike the Golf, which looks and feels big. But as soon as I relax into a favoured seating position and found my rhythm all thoughts of this Golf being the big bloated clumsy one of today's fleet filters away instantly. The ride is comfortable - firm and flat nevertheless - but more forgiving than the Clio's jarred ride I'd committed myself to earlier this morning. It felt remarkably torquey though, as always, fluid and responsive. This is why I love the GTI so much, for no matter how many times you drive one it never fails to surprise you. And the classic inside rear wheel being cocked under hard cornering is a beautiful link of ancestry that flows effortlessly back to the Seventies success of the Mk1 GTI.

The Mk5 Golf offers confidence too, encouraging you to take longer faster stabs at cornering, holding its line nose tucked in, the rear coming into to play when needs be.

It really is a car that talks to you by the sensations delivered to your fingertips, to the end of your toes and the communication of the seat as if pivotal to the whole dynamics of the car. There is but the faintest hint of torque-steer too. Something that cannot be said for the car I swap the Golf keys for when it was time for another bathroom stop, the Mini Cooper S.

Similar to the Golf the 172bhp Mini looks a bit podgy. It is no longer a tiny compact as it was in the swinging Sixties and the shadow it forces over the Clio I am now passing with the whiz of the twin-scroll turbo as my soundtrack, puts the size of the Cooper S into perspective. First impression is that it is a lot smoother on its springs than the Golf, but again in contrast slightly unpredictable when you push on hard. In time you begin to reign in the anger of the Mini and let it work in your favour. You can flow with the Mini if you keep your wits about you. If only you could ditch the dash and dials for a dash-bar and a STACK cluster, swapping the unsupportive leathers for two race seats you'd enjoy the Mini a lot more. The way you cover ground in the most current Mini is impressive though, but its friskiness won't be to everyone's liking.

'In just under 12kms the camber will expose the dogs of the pack'

As we neared the mountain of Jebel Hafeet I had serious reservations of how well the cutie pie of the clan would do up the hill, which by my calculations was half an hour away. If any car would end up in the guardrail, even over the edge and plummeting to its demise I felt it would be the Mini.

I had a niggle about the 207 RC too, as on road dynamics are somewhat lacking. Surely the demanding turns of Jebel Hafeet would be the toughest challenge ever for this Peugeot? We had already seen the worth of both the twin-scroll turbocharged Mini and the engine-share 172bhp Peugeot 207 RC in evo 010, when they went head-to-head, so we knew they'd be evenly matched. But other than similar straight-line acceleration the results a few issues ago were overwhelmingly in favour of the Mini. When the Peugeot roughly costs half as much as the Mini though you may question the sanity of the fool who could buy two RCs for the same price as one Cooper - and end up going just as quick - but then two wrongs don't make a right.

They may have identical engines, with identical performance, but the rest of the package lets the side down badly - 207 RC truly at the opposite end of the hot hatch spectrum. Evo UK famously stated that the Peugeot had nice suspensionÉfor a trampoline - and how right they were. If anything the Peugeot is here for us to further labour the point...

We finally arrive at Al Ain (without setting off one speed camera on route) in convoy, lined up in single file at the foot of Jebel Hafeet - a long list of crazy corners to conquer. This road-circuit, more used to packs of tourists or cyclists than a set of hot hatches out to settle a score, offers up significant shifts in elevation, fast direction changes, threatening blind crests and a lone 1st gear corner along it's span that rises up to 4000-feet.

Two lanes up and one lane down, it is a scintillating test of nerve and traction on the limit. In just under 12 kilometres the crests and cambers will surely expose the dogs of the pack - but before we risk our lives and the metal around us we concentrate our time on acceleration runs, which always seem to be the figures that people like to throw around at parties and not how quick a particular car went from point-to-point, along a certain stretch of road.

Our in-house racing driver Bassam had been voted designated driver for all of the day's activities, whereas I foolishly volunteered to add myself as passenger ballast and to operate the data logger suctioned to the windshield. You'd have thought we were readying ourselves for a mission to the moon, with all our safety checks, secondary checks, final checks and count down to launch. 3, 2, 1ÉGo.
I love the way hot hatches light up their tyres and the mass of revs Bassam piles on, to fire the first of the hatches along the flats of Jebel Hafeet does us proud. For the anoraks out there you may be surprised that we recorded consistent 7.1secs for the Peugeot and the Mini. To be honest I was impressed that the lightest of our test cars, the wild card naturally aspirated Clio, is included in this line-up - matching the 7.1sec time. Predictably the Clio fell short against the mighty Megane and the Golf GTI - 6.2 and 6.7sec respectively - but in the real world 0.4sec slower when compared to the Golf - 0.90 lined up against the F1 Megane - is neither here or there.

Unsurprisingly it was the Mini that felt the quickest of the lot, even though it posted a 7.1sec - the psychotic front-end scrabble of torque steer to thank for that. If the Cooper S could genuinely put down its power instead of letting it sift into the ether in a cloud of wheelspin all the way into 2nd, maybe, just maybe, it really would be the quickest. It was the most hard to tame cleanly off the line, for sure. As for the 207, it's pretty much expected with identical engines and identical performance.

As it happened the 207 is idling near to the start line, had the most fuel and still had the Racelogic box hanging off the inside of the windshield. It made sense that the Peugeot would tackle the steep accent of Jebel Hafeet first. I still can't quite describe what was going through my mind while I pressed the button to reset time on the black box, but it wasn't a good vibe.

Yet for those still clinging to my previous paragraphs angered against the 207 RC, you will now witness the back pedal of the century. The Clio may have amazed us with it giant-slaying capability, in the 0-100kph test, but the Peugeot was about to do something none of us expected in the next five minutes. And that was to win back a few votes, some smiles and a wrath of compliments.

By some eerie virtual voodoo the first foot of the climb under the tread of the RC causes concern. The 207 was not bad at all, actually it was good, very good. In a state of shock the Peugeot took us from turn to turn, easy to position, controllable and focussed. It set an impressive pace too - crossing the finish line in 5:38sec. Honestly, if I had been blindfolded I don't think I would have been able to put a name to the fame.

The long slow retreat back down the mountain was a mix of hearty praise, awe and total silence. By the time I'd reached the start line I expected to be ordered to eat my hat, socks and shoes, as I announced to the team that the turbocharged Pug was actually pretty damn competent. In a state of shock Bassam and I left the Peugeot running at the evo valet and sprinted with the Racelogic Performance Box in my grip to the start line, which for the purpose of the test was the facing side of the bridge, to the waiting Megane.

We'd set a stunning opening time, a time I felt no car could have bettered, even with twice as much power and twice as much grip. It must be stated for this run we left the traction control on. Not because we felt it necessary, but because in the excitement we fired off the line without deactivating the system. We must also stress that a bit of time was lost on the main straight trying to locate the button, to no avail. The climb aboard the Megane couldn't have been any different to the 207 if its life had depended on it. It was less frantic, smoothly done, very composed and dangerously void of dramatics. Before we'd crossed the line we'd started a conversation of how nice the view was and that maybe we should abort the run and start again. But time was of the essence and we had to do with what we had. Leaning towards the dashboard and reading back the display with disbelief: the Megane, Bassam and I had hit a terminal speed of 156.5kph, and clocked a 5:33sec beating the Peugeot's time by five seconds. Would it go any quicker without any driver aids and a more committed run? Definitely.

For point of reference we then decided to see how the engine-sharing Mini Cooper S would do against the near identical times of the Peugeot RC and the Renault Megane. Immediately we are lost in a whirlwind of torque-steer, navigating us left and right under hard acceleration. By the first turn Bassam is silent (for the first time ever) concentrating all his attention on keeping the car on the straight and narrow, fighting understeer in the tightest of corners and forcibly inviting torque-steer to combat the next turn. By the time we'd flown past the chequered flag in 5:38sec (identical to the RC) with a terminal speed of 150.3kph Bassam looked visibly exhausted. Really, what makes the Mini so endearing on the road makes for a tiring time when faced with a demanding stretch of tarmac like this. How we found the energy to continue with the two remaining cars is anyone's guess.

As we wanted to leave the little Clio until the very last, this meant the Volkswagen was up next. It is the only non-manual car here, with its twin-plate DSG paddle shift. It had the best launch of all the cars, was easily the most planted of the cars and the most adjustable on the limit and soon set into a steady rhythm. The Golf GTI was born to succeed on European roads and the road today (although a lot smoother) is the next best thing, and it shows. The VW taking pretty much every one of the apexes in its stride; proving the easiest going of the group.

It was still no match up hill for the Megane, posting a best of 5:37sec, but at least it held its tail out a bit to give you some enjoyment, compared to the Renault which could have been four-wheel drive in the manner in which it entered and exited a few of the corners. It would have been nice to see the Golf do better, but alas the Megane seemed unbeatable, and it seemed unlikely the lower ranking Renault could come close to testing its bigger sibling. But we were keen to see how far off the pace it would be none the less.

Without a doubt the Clio is technically outstanding. Of all the cars here it is the F1 that feels the most balanced and well engineered. It isn't over-braked, or over-powered, carries an even weight ratio, has a cracking chassis and with a power-to-weight of 174bhp per ton, it eclipses the Megane's 165bhp per ton. It actually possesses the best power-to-weight ratio of all the test cars here today by some way - 22 more bhp per ton than the Golf GTI.

I was unsurprisingly left behind when all the cars dragged on the way to Al Ain but higher up the rev range the Clio is only a second or two off the pace. Not bad at all. It still feels quick on the road and as we head up the spectacular pass of Jebel Hafeet, we discover it is even more impressive on this ultra-smooth trial.  Unlike the other four cars you've got to keep the rev needle of the Clio deep into high end of the dial (at all times) interrupted momentarily with snappy shifts, again keeping the revs on the boil. It feels dead below 4000rpm compared to the other cars on test too, the rest of the field more hurried with the thrust from their turbochargers, but once on the go you can throw the honed chassis at a scary stretch of road like we are right now with ease. Because it lacks a turbocharger it doesn't really suffer from torque-steer like the others, especially the Mini, and its planted four-square stability sees you take valiant liberties barrelling through corners flat where in others your sensibility would see you back off. Such is the Clio's grasp on the road surface that you feel like you could take on the world, at 7000rpm, and win time and time again. Corner speeds therefore are stupendous, as you'd expect. Braking even later, turning in sharper, bullying the Clio into silly antics, tidying up hints of understeer with throttle inputs we were able to conclude with an impressive time of 5:35sec (managing 144kph) a mere two seconds behind big brother Megane and another three seconds quicker than RC and Cooper S at the bottom of the field. I could talk of this car all year long. Impressive stuff.

'The fastest up the hill was the
Megane, unbeatable by a hearty
hop skip and a jump'

Terminal speeds were quite telling too... The fastest up the hill was the Megane, unbeatable by a hearty hop skip and a jump, an impressive 6.2kph faster than the 2nd place Mini. Fighting for the scraps mid field were the Golf and the Mini, while the Clio - by no surprise the slowest of all five cars - was borderline head-to-head with the RC at a snip under 144kph, 2kph shy of the Peugeot. It may not have been the roll call most would have bet their supper on, but I'd been harping on about the terminal speeds being relative to torque all day long, and to my glee was confirmed by sun down, when all convened to analyze the data later that evening over a few drinks. Still, the performance of the Clio left in no doubt that the good-old fashioned approach of natural aspiration can still cut it amidst the presence of forced induction. One thing is for sure; you could imagine the Clio being as equally impressive and as manageable in either sandy or damp conditions up this same stretch of demanding turns. And that is saying something.

Conclusion

The $ 35,425 Mini is clearly the least focussed, too busy trading off retro chic and award-winning design (which comes at a price) for us to seriously recommend this as the top choice hot hatch for your money. Indeed the Cooper S is alarmingly fun, cheeky and rewarding to drive on the road as a daily car. When pushing to the limit on a road like this, it is very hard work.

'This leaves the big hitters, the $ 28K Golf and the $ 30K Megane, both vying for the same customer

The $ 19,616 RC, free of the fuss and the princely price tag of the Mini, crawls higher up the league even with identical on-paper performance figures. But a hot hatch should have exceptional on-road handling and the RC does not have anything of the sort; the suspension is too harsh, even by old school 205 GTI standards, the wheels too big and a seating position that couldn't have been any worse if someone had randomly bought a seat without any guidance and nailed it into the cabin with their eyes shut. It may have proved us all wrong, utterly amazing us with its poise, pace and pin-sharp placement up Jebel Hafeet, but on the road this became a rather distant memory. If you lived at the foot of Jebel Hafeet and you worked at the hotel mid climb, then I'd say yes buy one for the daily commute! But as there aren't any houses in the immediate vicinity of the Jebel Hafeet approach, and not all roads are as clean, crisp and smooth as this idyllic snap shot of 12 kilometres, the 207 has to be dismissed.

This leaves the big hitters, the $ 28,500 Golf and $ 29,951 Megane, vying for the same spotlight; aimed at the same customer in terms of performance, practicality and price - and the most impressive Jack-of-all-trades. But it is at this point that the battle comes down to brass tacks and a tick-list of necessities expected of a car these days; practicality, comfort, style and sex appeal, along with price.

Trust me we spent a long time debating (and then debating again) what criteria to follow, which meant the top five standings got a little muddled from time to time. The winner, some would say, should be the fastest up the hill - and that was the Megane, hands down. It reached the highest terminal speed too. And it would have gone a lot faster. It was also the quickest to 100kph.

While we clung on to the last minutes of daylight I had a decision to make and concluded that no matter how good (performance wise) the Megane is, it is was too fiddly, would date too quickly and is very much a love it or hate it design for me to recommend it as 100 per cent evo-branded buy - even though it was a lot of fun. Add to this a mini scoreboard that had been running all day, which was free of individual prejudice with numbers that couldn't lie, and the Megane was four points shy of the Golf GTI by sun down.

I then decided that as the iconic Mk1 Golf GTI, 205 GTI and the Renault 5 GT Turbo of the early 1970s to the early 1990s were all as stripped out as a hot hatch can be - and being as they both coined and defined the term - I would make no excuse for digging my heels in, saying that practicality and the amount of Ikea that you could sling into the rear once the seats are folded down, should play no part in this test whatsoever.

And why should it? If it did then we'd now be waving goodbye to the $ 23K Clio. And why should we? After all, this is the car that won the hearts of every man here today. It was adored for its sporty looks, its coattail snapping performance; ultimate grin factor and a heck of a chassis. Crickey even some Japanese tourists asked if it was okay to have their picture taken next to it.

But would any of the evo road testers put their hands in their pockets and buy one. Sadly all but one hand voted no, while everyone else agreed that the Golf GTI was without doubt the ultimate hot hatch - ticking all the boxes - and the car that served as the most logical buy for this market.

So as there can be only one winner, the award has to go toÉthe Clio! Yes, the Clio. It is this up-to-date fearsomely focussed pocket rocket that we most expected to tire us silly, with its short-geared whine emitting from the transmission tunnel, but when a fight broke out to drive the smallest and shortest geared of the lot back to Dubai at 10pm, the theory I had been forming in my head got blown clean out of the water.

After the third run up the hill that day in the Clio I pictured myself on a tarmac special stage circa 1986, somewhere Mediterranean, with crowds of spectators in tracksuits and sweatbands spilling onto the tarmac ahead of me - and believe me that's a hard picture to shift, when I remember nothing remotely sentimental of the other four cars we charged up the hill that day.

Harking back to the good old days of the hot hatch I muse that if you were to swap the badges of the 207 RC (the car that surprised us the most) and the Clio F1 (the car that amazed us the most) over, what you have is the prodigal son of the Renault 5 GT Turbo in the Peugeot and what can only be described as the new-age portrayal of the Peugeot 205 GTI silhouetted as a Cup-chassis Renault. I truly believe that if I had followed the advise I give to anyone who'll listen and personally bought a Mk5 Golf GTI and then got to test it back-to-back as I did, against the likes of the Clio I'd have left for home a lot earlier in sight of a refund. But then would I really want to turn up at a business meeting, or take my girlfriend to dinner after valet parking the Clio, rear diffuser, lurid yellow paint scheme and F1 stickers? I'd say no, which is why the unanimous vote was clearly cast for the Golf.

However if you want my humble opinion - buy the focussed Clio, no questions asked, and make friends with an owner of an affable Golf GTI; you'll never bore of swapping keys every weekend and will probably remain friends for a very long time, indeed. Looks like the hot hatch - in its truest incarnation - is finally back.

'I make no excuse saying that practicality and the amount of Ikea that you could sling into the rear should play no part in this test whatsoever'