This time he starts by stating the $ 21,000 cost for these five straight-cut cogs. I pay attention.

It's funny what distracts you from the daily droll of life! Like following someone you just met at a garage back to their house, at the promise of seeing something quite spectacular. I don't usually make a habit of going home with strange men, but on this occasion I made an exception...

Parked under a basic awning out the front of this gentleman's villa happened to be the most spectacularly ugly contraction to roll on four wheels, I have ever seen. But as hideous as it was I simply couldn't take my eyes from the busty bulges and brutish bumps. In my defence it was the Dubai registration plates on this ridiculous-looking vehicle that hogged the majority of my attention. Most folks have difficulty obtaining registration for a Volvo yet here a car (surely fallen from planet peculiar) wears the legality to tour the roads of the Middle East without fear of police intervention.

The owner happens to be Mark Powell, one part of Team Saluki, and he's clearly in love with this thing. The clean sheet tubular steel space frame design from the Netherlands is insanely robust in ever way possible. The hardy suspension package of fully independent coilover suspension, custom made wishbones, serious custom rear trailing arms and no less than eight fully-adjustable Fox dampers, (four with remote reservoirs, four with a triple bypass valve system) set the scene.

Mark lifts up the lightweight back section and beams: 'That's a Honda VTEC V6.' All I can see are the modified struts, enhanced wiring and custom air ducts. It's hard to decipher what's going on, under there, never mind fathom the origins of the powerplant. Sat over the drive wheels, the modified 3,5-litre unit pushes out a healthy 252bhp and 266lb ft of torque. The block is standard, as is the valve timing system, but the ports have been blueprinted, while the factory ECU has been replaced with an all singing all dancing standalone system by UK company D.T.A.

One thing's for sure, it doesn't sound like a Honda, as Mark fires up the buggy. Fast & Speed (the company responsible for this creation) have been building competition buggies for Autocross since the mid Eighties, later building a special-order buggy for a customer who required something different for the Dakar Rally in 2003. From there, the 1400kg Fast & Speed buggy has gradually evolved, making it a clear choice for Team Saluki, who have been threatening to trade in their Landrover Defender for something purpose built, for donkeys years. It was a jolly good decision too, as I don't think I would have been as excited if I was standing next to the old Saluki Defender and hearing what Mark was about to say. 'Here, hop in and let me show you how the sequential shifter works, then you can take it out for a spin.' He takes his time, methodically meandering through the controls - what to touch and what to leave well alone. The Central Tyre Inflation System and pneumatic jacks are a no go area, naturally, but his main concern is the specialist Sellholm MPG gearbox.

Mark goes through it one more time, for good measure. Yeah I get it, I say so too. He's not convinced. I cut him short, as he gets ready to run me through the procedure once again, but he continues nonetheless. This time he starts by stating the $ 21,000 cost for these five straight-cut cogs. I pay more attention this time around, and interrupt constantly and ask him to illustrate exactly what he means by 'lightly dipping' the clutch before engaging reverse. Mark then bores of my constant questioning, and sends me on my way. The flimsy door somehow shuts with a reassuring bang. I then open the window slider to let in some air and wave goodbye. He's bravely remaining kerbside, along with co-driver Tim Ansell, neither masking their apparent anxiety very well.

This is not helped when I stall the buggy. The clutch is very low and the minimal revs kill the engine, jerking the monster an inch forward. I go through the shift sequence shown to me by Mark, a million times, and hit the big starter button again. The balance takes some getting used to, taking almost five minutes to make a fairly clean exit, with only a hint of kangaroo. Away from the parental guidance, around the first corner, I try to pull to a halt and try another standstill start, but what appears to be sawdust and jelly for a brakes sees us charge clear over the junction. I guess you don't do much braking out in the desert, but out on the open road it's a bit unnerving. The brakes do bite well, eventually, but there's no pussyfooting around with this set-up.

Taking a corner, a little too quickly, the front lifts and engulfs what looks like a SEAT Arosa. I have no idea if it's stuck under our front left arch or not. This becomes a bit of a problem, visualising where things are when taking a speed bump or tight turn, the monster front end eclipsing your immediate view forward.

We are now up into fourth, the engagement rudimentary by general road clutch terms, but it gets the job done. With the increase of speed comes the increased whine from the differential. Five straight-cut gears, a differential nabbed from a Works Ford RS200 and no sound deadening whatsoever does funny things to you. I can't stop laughing, banging over speed bumps, clanking through the sequential gears, my bum cheeks vibrating to the point of discomfort, hands barely clasping the steering wheel as the fixed seating position is confirmed for the rather longer-legged Mark.

Galloping over speed bumps around Jumeirah's neighbouring link of public roads is one way to exploit the massive void under the arches, but it's a harsh ride. The pressures of the Kevlar reinforced BF Goodrich Baja tyres, wrapped around the custom made split-rims feel rather high to be honest, a lot of road noise and vibration through the body of the vehicle.

We hit Sheikh Zayed road, Beach road and Al Wasl too, super-sharp evo-shooter Alejandro and I piercing the evo flag through the roof too celebrate the fact that I, the driver for today, happen to be the third person ever to drive this car; the other two being Team Saluki driver Mark and co-driver Tim. But not even an hour passes and the unthinkable happens, as the car is hauled off to the police station with a long list of violations to its name (none of our making!). We now had an exclusive, sat in the Barsha cop shop, and there it stayed for a long time. Weeks in fact. Team Saluki may have had more than a curse to throw in our direction for the incarceration of their new toy, but they stayed true to their word and granted us another drive. We'd already experienced the butt-ugly black bruiser out on the road, but today we're keen to hit the hot dunes.

'FOR THIS STINT WE ARE WEARING HELMETS'

Saluki Buggy
Engine: Honda VTEC V6, 3.5-litre
Location: Mid, longitudinal
Max power: 252bhp
Max torque: 266lb ft
Transmission: Five-speed Sellholm MPG straight-cut seqential, Works Ford RS200 diff, AP Racing clutch, rear-wheel drive
Suspension: Fox dampers, four with remote reservoirs, four with triple bypass valve system, custom wishbones
Brakes: Vented discs front and rear, internal brake bias
Wheels: Custom made cast aluminium
Tyres: BF Goodrich Baja T/A 33 x 10.5 x R15, 35" x 12.5' x R15 (rear) - plus central tyre inflation system
Weight: 1400kg
Power to weight: 182bhp/ton
0-100kph: unknown
Max speed: 110kph (as tested off-road)
Price: undisclosed

Evo Rating: 5 Star

The hideous whine of the buggy begs me for an elegant amalgamation to describe the crude chitchat. But words fail me. The gnarly soundtrack is a mush of high-boost turboness, terminal metal on metal, industrial power tool and radio interference. Doesn't really paint an elegant picture I know but put all these sounds together and what you have is blindingly awesome.

Even driven slowly the Team Saluki buggy is dangerously addictive, at big speeds off-road make no mistake of it, it is beyond a handful. Cutting a path through deep sand the generous suspension travel transforms the jarred gritty experience into a magical flying carpet, soaking up every form of terrain. The transformation is just incredible. Again the first gear engagement takes some honing, as we pile on the revs to ensure momentum.

Gathering speed the sequential box whines louder, the exhaust note goes up an octave, as the shift-change light flashes manically for a new ratio. Snicking the lever into second gear, by forcing back on the sequential shifter and the nose lifts violently. Same again for third, fourth and fifth.

There are no small hatchbacks to be wary of out here, but firing up to the ridge of a dune takes still takes concentration. The whining Saluki has filled the sparse cabin full of every noise available and all we can see is sky, sky, and more sky. For this stint we're sensibly wearing helmets and earplugs.

And then we hit a long heat-soaked straight. The buggy fills its lungs and screams even louder. My head is pounding, but I'm starting to see the attraction in this off-roading lark - especially with a buggy like this.

Even so, I swap seats with Mark for a flying lap of our desert course. 110kph may not sound that fast, but when you're trailing unchartered dunes, flat out, convinced you're about to roll over it feels like warp speed. But I need not worry; Mark's had enough experience duelling with the desert to know what he's doing. And I know we can't go far, as the buggy will only deliver 2.8 kilometres per litre of fuel, at best. Not exactly the most economical then?

But then this is no daily car or weekend toy, but the machine in which Team Saluki will proudly celebrate ten years of competing in the Desert Challenge, hoping for a podium finish on its debut.
www.uaedesertchallenge.com